The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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