He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
MIDGETS
????
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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