maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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