Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
two words: eviction party
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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