dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize