The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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