seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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