Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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