If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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