I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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