all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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