I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize