so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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