Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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