I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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