and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize