you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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