It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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