Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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