Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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