I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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