the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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