i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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