the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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