i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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