what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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