im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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