Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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