I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
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Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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