a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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