At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize