Redeem this text for a blowjob
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize