I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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