I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize