life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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