Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize