It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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