What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize