It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize