I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize