please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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