I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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