Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pooping to opera.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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