Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize