something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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