The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize