Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i think i just lost a toe
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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