The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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