I have demons in me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
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Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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