remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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